"Valentine's Day = Single Awareness Day" Anonymous
I know, here we go again another Valentine's Day and you're still single. Everybody tells you it's no big deal, you still have great friends and family. Here are six reasons to count your blessings on Valentine's Day.
Every February 14, across the United States and throughout the world, chocolate, roses and gifts are exchanged between loved ones, all in the name of St. Valentine. The history of St. Valentine has a few different meanings. The Catholic church recognizes St. Valentine as three different Saints. Valentine's Day has grown to be the second most popular card sending holiday after Christmas. I know, some of you are thinking it's been commercialized to make money for all the card selling companies. Actually, Valentine's Day is one of my favorite days. It reminds us about the special people in our live's and to celebrate our love for one another. Here are some tips that will help you enjoy Valentine's Day this year:
"Falling in love with your best friend is having the best of both worlds . . ." Anonymous
As many of you know I am a Marriage and Family Therapist. I have completed both the Level I & Level II training for couples by The Gottman Institute (GTI). In our research we have found trust begins and ends with emotional communication. Whether we like it or not, this is true for all. We have all been hurt by a relationship at some point in our life, but for those of us that believe in protecting trust there is hope. Dr. Gottman's research-based insights into the complex world of relationships offers us real and simplistic tools, you can easily apply to your relationship.
Think of the exercise below as a list of guidelines that will help nurture the friendship in your relationship and help make the love last. Remember every relationship is different and these aren't set in stone. The connections you create will bring you closer to your partner. Practice affection and trust will follow naturally.
Things to do for your partner:
Listen. Listen. Listen
Run errands for your partner.
Send your partner a loving text.
Compliment your partner, say thank you, praise his or her efforts around the house.
Wait on your partner when he or she is ill.
Buy a silly gift. Buy something inexpensive. Make it an inside joke.
Think fondly of your partner while he or she is at work.
Things to do together:
Take a class together.
Wash the dishes together.
Take a shower or bath together.
Plan your future. Dream together.
This activity was found in The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening our Marriage, Family, and Friendships by Dr. Gottman's. To learn more about bids, emotional connection, and the many other building blocks of trust, be sure to check it out!
"Choosing a partner is choosing a set of problems." Anonymous
I would like to share a humorous story I just read.
Imagine Paul married Alice; Alice gets loud at parties and Paul, who is shy, hates that. But if Paul had married Susan, he and Susan would of gotten into a fight before they even got to the party. That's because Paul is always late and Susan hates to be kept waiting. She would feel taken for granted, which she is very sensitive about. If Paul had married Gail, they wouldn't have even gone to the party because they would still be upset about an argument they had the day before about Paul's not helping with the housework. To Gail when Paul does not help she feels abandoned, which she is sensitive about, and to Paul Gail's complaining is an attempt at domination, which he is sensitive about.
The same is true about Alice. If she had married Steve, she would have the opposite problem, because Steve gets drunk at parties and she would get so angry at his drinking they would get into a fight about it. If she had married Lou, she and Lou would of enjoyed the party but then when they got home the trouble would begin when Lou wanted sex, because he always wants sex when he wants to…
Daily strategies to move from knowing to being
Begin with gratitude
As you awake in the morning, take the first few minutes to think about what you love about your partner. Stay with that thought and reminiscence about the good times in your relationship. It could be the first time you met, the first time you saw your partner smile or a favorite song that the two of you have. Now, set your intention to go into your day with that loving feeling. It may not last all day but the fact that you did it first thing in the morning will help make it become a habit.
Manage your mind
This can also be known as meditation. Choose a space in your house where you will not be disturbed. Ideally the space should be clean and clutter free. Once your space is ready, sit down in a cross-legged position and gently rest your hands on your knees. Relax, gently close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Next bring your attention to your breath. Slowly inhale and exhale for a minimum of 10 minutes. Try this in the morning before you start your day. This helps calm the mind.
This is your life
First, remind yourself of the gratitude exercise you did on Day 1. Think about what you truly love about your…