I hear this all the time in my practice. 'I don't want my child to only hear no.' And, I tell them their child doesn't always have to hear no. But, they do need your guidance and assurance. I also hear, 'I was always told no as a child and resented my parents for this.' And, I tell them your child won't grow up to resent you, in the long run they will respect you. I also hear, 'I just can't say no." And, as I have said in the past start to practice saying no, and it will become easier. As your child gets older here are the benefits they will learn from their parents saying no to them:
|"Don't confuse having a career with having a life." Hillary Clinton|
I hear this all the time in my practice, 'I wish I had more balance in my life." It's so easy in our fast-paced society to lose track of time and forget some of the obvious things. Here are some tips to help get your life back in order.
Four Rules for Living with a Depressed Person:
The couple sitting opposite me in my San Mateo office looks like a very nice couple. They say they love each other. But, the marriage is ending. He wants out. He says, "I can't live with her depression anymore." "It's her negativity, her tunnel vision and her never ending pattern of self-defeat." He is tired of always making excuses for her.
If you are in a relationship with someone that is depressed, then you know it is not easy. Recent studies have shown that only 30% of people that take an antidepressant are helped by it. Unfortunately, there is a lot of shame that goes with depression and this can prevent people from getting the help they need. If you are in a relationship with someone that suffers from depression, it is important to maintain your boundaries. Here are four rules to live by:
As most of you know I am a Marriage and Family Therapist and I have completed Levels 1, 2 & 3 in Gottman Couples Training. Gottman, of course, is the expert on relationships and is backed with 40 years of research. I absolutely love this method. After trying many different methods in working with couples, I have found this to be practical and effective. A lot of people ask me if I see other clients in my practice, and my response is yes. I also work with individuals, whether they are dealing with depression, anxiety or the loss of a relationship. I have found that people tend to repeat the same patterns in life and often don't understand why. Maybe, they have a low self-esteem, fear being alone or had a difficult childhood. Maybe, they feel they have always been the underdog and can never get a break in life.
Are the root of their problems that they fear rejection, have to be right or they just can't relax? The reality is, it could be all three of these reasons. People have many reasons for acting the way they do. I have found that it is best to go easy on yourself. Yes, it's alright to think of yourself and how to simplify your life. After counseling people for 13 years, I have found…
Take The Bids For Connection Quiz
In Dr. John Gottman's apartment lab at the University of Washington, he studies how people interact with one another under everyday circumstances. He has discovered that "bids for connection" happen at a very high rate between partners. For example, happy couples "bid" 100 times in ten minutes. What makes the bids so important? How those bids are made and responded to influences how well that relationship is going to fare over time.