We all have an internal dialogue and at one time or another we have misread our partner. You can't always believe what your mind tells you. Here are ten cognitive distortions you want to stay away from in your relationship:
"A pure and lasting relationship, has fights, has trust, has faith, has tears, has hurt, has laughter and has weird stupid and unnecessary arguments." Kemmy Nola
"You are so stubborn!"
"Whenever there is a problem you always blame me!"
"I've never been able to pursue my career it's always your career first!"
"I just can't stand to look at you!"
Have you ever said any of these things to your partner or has your partner ever said any of these things to you? If your answer is yes, then, you are not alone. These are also known as The Four Horsemen:
Defensive behavior is ruining your relationship. The four horsemen are the biggest predictor of divorce in a relationship, and they also aren't good for the children. Communication is important in a relationship, but how you communicate is really what is important. Not only can your words be defensive, but your tone and body language can also be defensive. Remember, it's not what you say but how you say it. Here are five strategies to help change your defensive behavior:
"Catch your partner doing something right." The Gottman Institute
I'm sure you are familiar with a savings account. You start a savings account by making a deposit. If you continue to make deposits, then your savings account grows. If you only make one deposit, then your savings account doesn't grow. Apply that concept to your relationship. This doesn't mean keep score, this means work towards building a positive perspective in your relationship. The Gottman Institute research suggests this is a great way to build a reasonably happy relationship. Here are ten helpful tips to help build your emotional bank account in your relationship:
You've just made the huge step of moving in together or getting married. Congratulations! Now, what's next? The dream of hot sex whenever you want it. Splitting the finances 50/50. The possibilities are endless.
I hear this all the time, 'is he/she the right one for me?' In a time where there are more single people than there have ever been, and there is more betrayal than ever. People have a hard time trusting that they will pick the right partner for themselves. The first step is loving and respecting yourself. Here are nine tips that will help you know you're in the right relationship: