According to The Gottman Institute, "Acknowledging and respecting each other's deepest, most personal hopes and dreams is the key to saving and enriching your marriage." This is based from their empirical research in studying couples. They have done over forty years of research with couples. If you are in a relationship, then you have probably noticed that the same problems come up over and over.

The research suggests that the perpetual conflict in your relationship may symbolize the differences in your lifestyle and personality. Perpetual problems often come from, not feeling understood by your partner or well-known. It's easy in our fast paced world to forget about our dreams or shove them aside. It's even more frustrating when our partner doesn't even know what our dreams are.

More than anything, we want to feel like our partner has our back and really gets us. If you don't feel this way, then you start to drift apart. If you feel like this, you are not alone. Many couples go through this after they have been together for a while.

The good news is you can use The Gottman's Institute research to help overcome the perpetual problems in your relationship. Here are seven helpful tips:

  1. Keep working on your unresolvable conflicts. Couples that are demanding of their relationships are more likely to have a happy and satisfying relationship,…

Read more: Tired Of Fighting Over The Same Thing? Here Is How To Stop

You've just made the huge step of moving in together or getting married. Congratulations! Now, what's next? The dream of hot sex whenever you want it. Splitting the finances 50/50. The possibilities are endless.

Then, reality sets in. You had no idea that your partner was a neat freak. You have no time for friends, and you feel like you don't know one another anymore. As far a sex, maybe you have it once a month, and that's if there's nothing better on T.V. When you are angry at your partner, there is nowhere to hide. You will actually have to talk about your problems. For some this is scary and for others it is not, depending on your style.

You realize that the only people who have the perfect relationship are in the movies. Hopefully, you realize you don't have to have the perfect relationship and start to strive for the good enough relationship. Here are 10 helpful tips to help keep you sane in your relationship:

  1. Make sure you're doing it for the right reasons. For a lot of couples, moving in together just happens. They don't usually weigh out the pros and cons or make plans in advance. Maybe, it just felt right or it was convenient. No more arguing of where you will stay or having to bring an overnight bag.…

Read more: Here Are 10 Tips To Help Keep You In Love (And Sane)

10 Things You Need To Start Doing To Be Happy In Your Relationship


After you've been in a relationship for a while, it's easy to focus on the negative. At The Gottman Institute we call this the negative sentiment override (NSO). Couples that are in the NSO will not notice the positive their partner does 50% of the time. What does this mean? Start adding thank you's and appreciations to your relationship, like it was in the beginning. I know this sounds small, but it will make a big difference. Here are 10 helpful tips to overcome the NSO in your relationship:

  1. Brew up a cup of coffee for your partner. Have a cup of coffee together in the morning and talk about at least one important thing that will be happening in your day. Make this a ritual every morning.
  2. Laugh together. Bring up a funny moment from your past that makes you both laugh. Couples that laugh together are more likely to stay together. Maybe the last time you were out to dinner together the server said or did something funny. Bring it up with your partner. You can also watch a funny comedy together.
  3. Work up a sweat together. You can do this inside or outside of the bedroom. Working up a sweat will boost your endorphins and is good for your heart. Make sure to get your heart rate up. Take a hike, go for…

Read more: 10 Things You Need To Start Doing To Be Happy In Your Relationship

After you've been in a relationship for a while, it's easy to focus on the negative. At The Gottman Institute we call this the negative sentiment override (NSO). Couples that are in the NSO will not notice the positive their partner does 50% of the time. What does this mean? Start adding thank you's and appreciations to your relationship, like it was in the beginning. I know this sounds small, but it will make a big difference. Here are 10 helpful tips to overcome the NSO in your relationship:

  1. Brew up a cup of coffee for your partner. Have a cup of coffee together in the morning and talk about at least one important thing that will be happening in your day. Make this a ritual every morning.
  2. Laugh together. Bring up a funny moment from your past that makes you both laugh. Couples that laugh together are more likely to stay together. Maybe the last time you were out to dinner together the server said or did something funny. Bring it up with your partner. You can also watch a funny comedy together.
  3. Work up a sweat together. You can do this inside or outside of the bedroom. Working up a sweat will boost your endorphins and is good for your heart. Make sure to get your heart rate up. Take a hike, go for a swim,…

Read more: 10 Things You Need To Do To Be Happy In Your Relationship

You may be wondering what a cognitive distortion is and why we all have them? This is when your mind convinces you that something is true, when it really isn't. These thoughts are inaccurate and reinforce negative thinking. There is a direct link between what we think and how we feel. So, what does this mean? You may be dooming yourself and your relationship.

We all have an internal dialogue and at one time or another we have misread our partner. This can set the tone for your relationship. Here are ten cognitive distortions you want to stay away from in your relationship:

  1. Negative predictions. Overestimating the likelihood that an action will have a negative outcome. Maybe, your partner doesn't do things exactly like you, that doesn't mean it is negative or wrong.
  2. Underestimating coping ability. You are capable of self-soothing when you are in a relationship. It's nice when your partner helps soothe you, but it's alright for you to soothe yourself. For example, take a bath, read a book or write in your journal.
  3. Thinking an absence of effusiveness means something is wrong. Believing an absence of a smiley-face in an email means there is a problem. Interpreting, "You did a good job" as negative if you were expecting "You did a great job." This is not the same as being taken for granted. Sometimes, the…

Read more: Ten Common Cognitive Distortions in Relationships

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