10 Things You Need To Start Doing To Be Happy In Your Relationship


After you've been in a relationship for a while, it's easy to focus on the negative. At The Gottman Institute we call this the negative sentiment override (NSO). Couples that are in the NSO will not notice the positive their partner does 50% of the time. What does this mean? Start adding thank you's and appreciations to your relationship, like it was in the beginning. I know this sounds small, but it will make a big difference. Here are 10 helpful tips to overcome the NSO in your relationship:

  1. Brew up a cup of coffee for your partner. Have a cup of coffee together in the morning and talk about at least one important thing that will be happening in your day. Make this a ritual every morning.
  2. Laugh together. Bring up a funny moment from your past that makes you both laugh. Couples that laugh together are more likely to stay together. Maybe the last time you were out to dinner together the server said or did something funny. Bring it up with your partner. You can also watch a funny comedy together.
  3. Work up a sweat together. You can do this inside or outside of the bedroom. Working up a sweat will boost your endorphins and is good for your heart. Make sure to get your heart rate up. Take a hike, go for…

Read more: 10 Things You Need To Start Doing To Be Happy In Your Relationship

After you've been in a relationship for a while, it's easy to focus on the negative. At The Gottman Institute we call this the negative sentiment override (NSO). Couples that are in the NSO will not notice the positive their partner does 50% of the time. What does this mean? Start adding thank you's and appreciations to your relationship, like it was in the beginning. I know this sounds small, but it will make a big difference. Here are 10 helpful tips to overcome the NSO in your relationship:

  1. Brew up a cup of coffee for your partner. Have a cup of coffee together in the morning and talk about at least one important thing that will be happening in your day. Make this a ritual every morning.
  2. Laugh together. Bring up a funny moment from your past that makes you both laugh. Couples that laugh together are more likely to stay together. Maybe the last time you were out to dinner together the server said or did something funny. Bring it up with your partner. You can also watch a funny comedy together.
  3. Work up a sweat together. You can do this inside or outside of the bedroom. Working up a sweat will boost your endorphins and is good for your heart. Make sure to get your heart rate up. Take a hike, go for a swim,…

Read more: 10 Things You Need To Do To Be Happy In Your Relationship

You may be wondering what a cognitive distortion is and why we all have them? This is when your mind convinces you that something is true, when it really isn't. These thoughts are inaccurate and reinforce negative thinking. There is a direct link between what we think and how we feel. So, what does this mean? You may be dooming yourself and your relationship.

We all have an internal dialogue and at one time or another we have misread our partner. This can set the tone for your relationship. Here are ten cognitive distortions you want to stay away from in your relationship:

  1. Negative predictions. Overestimating the likelihood that an action will have a negative outcome. Maybe, your partner doesn't do things exactly like you, that doesn't mean it is negative or wrong.
  2. Underestimating coping ability. You are capable of self-soothing when you are in a relationship. It's nice when your partner helps soothe you, but it's alright for you to soothe yourself. For example, take a bath, read a book or write in your journal.
  3. Thinking an absence of effusiveness means something is wrong. Believing an absence of a smiley-face in an email means there is a problem. Interpreting, "You did a good job" as negative if you were expecting "You did a great job." This is not the same as being taken for granted. Sometimes, the…

Read more: Ten Common Cognitive Distortions in Relationships

10 Ways To Love Someone (Without Giving Yourself Away In The Process)


"It's Love That Makes The World Go Round." W.S. Gilbert

So, you've found love. Now, how do you make it last? In the beginning love is grand. It's just you and your partner. You can't seem to get enough of each other. Then, you buy a house, have children, and get a promotion at work. Slowly over time, your relationship becomes less important and you begin to drift away. It used to be so easy to go out on a date, but now you can't seem to find the time to fit each other in. 

If this sounds like your relationship, you are not alone. Many couples go through this. Relationships are work. Love is a splendid thing and it does make the world go round, but if you want to stay together, then be prepared to work at it. Here are 10 tips to keep the love alive in your relationship:

  1. Six second kiss. You read that right. In our busy world most of the time we give our partner a peck. You need to stop and kiss on the lips for six seconds. It's not really that long and the physiological effects are great.
  2. Know one important thing about your partner's day. This is also known as departing. Before your partner leaves for the day make it a point to know one…

Read more: 10 Ways To Love Someone (Without Giving Yourself Away In The Process)

Relationships Are All About The Friendship.


"No friendship is an accident." -O. Henry, Heart of the West

Marriage doesn't have to be complicated or even difficult, what couples need to make a marriage last is friendship - says Dr. John Gottman. Friendship is at the core of a strong marriage. Friendship in a relationship means couples know each other intimately. They know each other's likes, dislikes, personality quirks, dreams and hopes

After 40 years of research Dr. John Gottman found that relationships don't have to be complicated. Happy couples aren't smarter, prettier or healthier than other couples. They've learned to let their positive feelings for one another override their negative feelings for one another. They not only honor and respect one another, they understand one another. Believe it or not, what Dr. John Gottmans research has found is that happy marriages are based on friendship. It actually is simple. Here are eight tips to help get to know your spouse better:

  1. Have a friendly conversation. Set time aside, regularly, to talk as friends. Take turns picking a topic. For example, your goals and dreams, a recent book or movie, your family of origin or current event.
  2. Attend to the little things that show love and affection. Regularly do things that build love and friendship in the relationship. This doesn't mean keeping score. Give gifts to one another, offer encouragement, spend time together and…

Read more: Relationships Are All About The Friendship.

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