The 4 Habits That Keep Relationships Strong

"The one who is meant for you encourages you to be your best, but still loves and accepts you at your worst." Marc Chernoff


Loving your partner for the person they are
Maybe you wish your partner would chat it up with your friends without being prompted or put the cap on the toothpaste. But, their inability to notice crumbs on the counter may stem from the laid-back personality that drew you to them in the first place. One of the things I've noticed with happy couples is they have stopped trying to change one another and have learned to accept one another. They try to focus on their partner's strengths and not their weaknesses.

Framing your demands as favors
Whether you want your partner to take the kids to school or help cook dinner, your partner will be more likely to change their behavior if they feel like they'll get relationship brownie points. Instead of telling your partner, ask your partner. Make sure to let your partner know how happy it makes you when they help with dinner or the kids. Everyone wants to make their partner feel happy.

Focusing on the positive
Unhappy couples feel stuck, they focus on the negative about their partner. If you are always looking for what your partner does wrong, then you will always find it. Start looking for what your…

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The Importance of Keeping the Dream Alive

 

 

Is it time to check-in? What happened to my dreams? What happened to our dreams? Is it too late?


When is the last time you spent talking to your partner about their life dreams? Do you know your partner's life dreams? If the answer is no, then it's time for a talk. And, yes, dreams can change. We live in a fast-paced world and can get caught up in the busyness. Not only can we forget what our partner's dreams are, we can forget what our own dreams are.

Take a sincere interest in your partner's dreams. Know every detail of their dreams and their plans to make their life dreams come true. It's important to validate one another about your dreams. Start by accepting each other's influence even if you thing their dreams sound unrealistic. This is also known as, compromise. All dreams are important, regardless of how big or small they may seem. And, this doesn't mean you give up on your own dreams.

Now, it's time to start creating shared meaning in your relationship. There is no time better than the present to start creating shared dreams for your relationship. That is why the present is a "present." Set aside time in the New Year to discuss your own dreams and how you can support one another, and at the same time create shared dreams. Remember, each person in the relationship gets a turn being the listener and the speaker.

When you start the conversation it's important to create a plan that will build rituals around your shared dreams and also discuss the legacy you would like to leave behind. It's important to be flexible and accepting of one another's dreams. Not only will this nurture the friendship in the relationship it will also build love and respect.

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Couples Math

Find your inner flirt. I often hear couples complain that their relationship is boring and they feel stuck. They miss the passion. I usually ask how the beginning of the relationship was. Are they still dating and having fun together? This is very important. Remember to spend magical time with one another.

Break this into "The Magic Five and One-half Hours a Week." Don't part in the morning without knowing one important fact about your partner's day. Kiss for a minimum of six seconds before departing for the day from one another. Two minutes a day x five working days = 10 minutes.

When reuniting at the end of the day have another six second kiss and the stress reducing conversation that lasts 10 minutes. Make sure to give support to one another and listen to one another. Twenty minutes a day x five days = 1 hour 40 minutes.

Find some way every day to genuinely communicate appreciation to your partner. This should be five minutes a day x seven days = 35 minutes.

Play with one another. Kiss, hold, grab and touch each other. Make sure to kiss one another before going to sleep. Make the six-second kiss last, five minutes a day x seven days = 35 minutes.

Go out on a date think of great questions to ask your partner.…

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I really didn't mean it Like That
"Understanding Must Precede Advice" Dr.'s John & Julie Gottman
 
Yes, what you say does matter. Sometimes, your words can hurt those closest to you. Instead of looking for what is wrong with you partner, start asking yourself what is right with you partner. Pick three things you truly appreciate about your partner and tell them daily what you appreciate. For example: 'I really like how resourceful you are, you are exciting, you are creative, you are strong and you are sexy.'
 
We live in a very fast-paced world these days and often do not spend as much time with our partner as we would like. Instead of having a stress-inducing conversation try having a stress-reducing conversation when you have time together. Both partners need to agree on an upcoming stress in their life that is not dierctly related to the relationship. This could be a visit from the in-laws or a dinner party. It is important to just listen to your partner - do not try to solve the problem or take on the problem as your own.
 
Each person will have a turn as the speaker and the listener. It is important that the speaker talk about their stress with as much detail as possible. It is important that the listener avoid problem-solving. Do your best to convey understanding of your partner's thoughts and…

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Listening without Fixing

Why are you always trying to change me?  Why can’t you just listen to me?  Does this sound familiar?  I see a lot of couples and I hear this a lot.  Believe it or not listening is an art.  Next time your partner wants to tell you about their day, try listening without trying to solve their problem.  You will be surprised at the long-term results.


It’s important when you are in a relationship to build rituals of emotional connection into your daily life.  When you discuss your day with your partner tell them three things you appreciate about your partner. I would say you really are a great friend, I appreciate how generous you are, I love your imagination or I appreciate how dependable you are.

It’s also important to tell your partner what you are thankful for in your relationship.  For example:  I love your style, I like how you are playful with me, I am thankful for your sense of humor and you have a beautiful complexion.  Stay in touch with one another during the day.  Call your partner and think about your partner during the day.  Take weekend outings such as; going to a park or going for a drive.  Go on an overnight romantic outing (without the kids).…

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