How Do You Know If He's The One?

I hear this all the time, 'is he the right one for me?' In a time where there are more single people than there have ever been, and there is more betrayal than ever. People have a hard time trusting that they will pick the right partner for themselves. The first step is loving and respecting yourself. Here are nine tips that will help you know you're in the right relationship:


You Don't...
  1. Fear it. You aren't afraid to commit and you put yourself in a situation with someone that, also, doesn't fear it. If you are afraid of commitment, it's best to work that out before starting a relationship.
  2. Snoop. If you trust your partner, why are you looking? Going through your partner's email, phone, Facebook account or journal, strongly indicate you don't trust your partner. You're also violating your partner's trust in you.
  3. Think you're superior. If your feel your partner is inferior in any way you know that matters to you in a mate - morally, intellectually, financially, socially or professionally - then you're never going to respect your partner the way you hoped to be respected. 
  4. Let any substance abuse or behavior come before the relationship. Anyone abusing a substance or behavior is cheating on you with his or her drug of choice. You deserve more.
  5. Depend on each other…

Read more: How Do You Know If He's The One?

3 Things To Stop Fighting About, & 3 Things To Start Talking About

Money, sex and the children. I have seen many couples in therapy over the 14 years I have worked as a Marriage & Family Therapist. I have found that many couples have problems on the surface and they need to address the problems underneath the surface. After being in a relationship it's easy to pick on your partner's faults and blame one another if the relationship is going south. 

Over the past five years I have been trained in and using The Gottman Method for Couples. This is a well researched method. The Gottman's have done over four decades of research in working with couples. They have developed a lot of great tools for couples to help with communication and building the friendship in the relationship. Which, by the way, the research has found that a good friendship is crucial in a relationship. This is reported by, both men and women.

One of my favorite tools that they have that helps with communication is Dreams within Conflict. This helps the couple have a guided conversation that helps build understanding in the relationship. One person is the speaker and one is the listener. The speaker is the dream speaker and the listener is the dream catcher. It's easy to want to fix or solve the problem. The purpose of this exercise is not to argue for your…

Read more: 3 Things To Stop Fighting About, & 3 Things To Start Talking About

Whether you are in a good relationship or a dysfunctional one, there will always be conflict. What matters most is how you manage the conflict. In the Gottman's research, they found that 69% of problems in a relationship weren't solvable. What this means is you need to work on understanding one another in your relationship.

When couples come in for counseling, they want to solve their problems and move on. They aren't usually that happy when they find out most of their problems aren't solvable. Going for a solution now can actually hurt the relationship. This also means you don't have to fix everything. Which I find as a relief. When I was younger I was a strong problem solver and now I'm not. This has changed my attitude on life tremendously, and in a good way.

Don't worry if you are trying to solve your relationship problems, you aren't alone. Many of us have done it and may still try to in the future. Couples tend to get stuck in their problems. This leads to a lot of conflict and misunderstanding. We have found at the Gottman Institute, that these are the four ways to ruin a perfectly good relationship:

  1. Criticize (Attack) - Using "you" statements.
  2. Defensive - You attacked, so I will defend myself. (We've heard Donald Trump use this one) This is…

Read more: How To Fix The 4 Most Common Relationship Problems

The Four Most Common Relationship Problems And How To Fix Them

Whether you are in a good relationship or a dysfunctional one, there will always be conflict. What matters most is how you manage the conflict. In the Gottman's research, they found that 69% of problems in a relationship weren't solvable. What this means is you need to work on understanding one another in your relationship.

When couples come in for counseling, they want to solve their problems and move on. They aren't usually that happy when they find out most of their problems aren't solvable. Going for a solution now can actually hurt the relationship. This also means you don't have to fix everything. Which I find as a relief. When I was younger I was a strong problem solver and now I'm not. This has changed my attitude on life tremendously, and in a good way.

Don't worry if you are trying to solve your relationship problems, you aren't alone. Many of us have done it and may still try to in the future. Couples tend to get stuck in their problems. This leads to a lot of conflict and misunderstanding. We have found at the Gottman Institute, that these are the four ways to ruin a perfectly good relationship:

  1. Criticize (Attack) - Using "you" statements.
  2. Defensive - You attacked, so I will defend myself. (We've heard Donald Trump use this one) This is also known as, righteous indignation
  3. Contempt…

Read more: The Four Most Common Relationship Problems And How To Fix Them

The Gottman's research has found that couples with a strong friendship, have a better relationship. Your friendship affects every part of your relationship, including intimacy. This is true for both men and women.

These days people separate the idea of relationship from friendship. This is an interesting idea. When you think about it, don't you have fun with your friends? And, don't you want to have fun in your relationship? Having fun together is important in any relationship, whether you are intimate or not.

When you start to treat your partner like your BFF, you will start to see your relationship change and grow in healthy ways. Take a genuine interest in your partner. Friends stay together during the tough times. This can also be true in a relationship. The best way to improve the intimacy in your relationship is to work on the friendship. Here are five tips to help you do so:

  1. Express appreciations about your partner regularly. It's easy to forget this when you have been in a relationship for a while. Write down your appreciations on a piece of paper and stick it on the mirror, text your partner during the day or tell them when you are departing in the morning. An appreciation can be something as simple as 'I appreciate your smile.'
  2. Say Thank you regularly. Tell your partner what…

Read more: 5 Tips That Will Help You Rebuild The Friendship In Your Relationship

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