Are you tired of feeling stressed out? Do you feel you are working a second shift when you get home? Many people go into a relationship, thinking it will make them happy and reduce stress. Many couples find out, this is not the case.

At first it is bliss. Your partner can’t do anything wrong. But, after a while things change. You begin to see your partner as a real human being, flaws and all. This may start to make you feel unloved and stressed out.

Here are 5 tips for reducing stress in a relationship:

  1. Build a culture of understanding in your relationship. It’s easy to want to fix the problem first. You can’t fix anything unless you have a culture of understanding. This means you need to listen to one another. Share stories about your past. What have you overcome in your life? How was your parent’s relationship. We learn how to be in relationships through our family of origin. What does this mean? You don’t know what you don’t know.
  2. Don’t get caught up in expectations. If you ask me, I think people should go into a relationship without expectations. We live in a world where everything is about setting goals. It’s easy to get caught up in the goal, and miss out on enjoying the process. Neither you are your partner are perfect. This is the first expectation to drop. Stop setting deadlines for your relationship. Like, you must buy a house in a year or have exactly two children. One boy and one girl. Expectations will set you up for failure. This will make you feel bad and lead to resentment.
  3. Talk it out. Society teaches us that when you go into a relationship, everything will just work out. Wrong. You need to tell your partner what you need. What you like, what you don’t like. Keep talking about it, until you can come to a compromise that works for both of you. Humans are always changing, learn to work through your differences.
  4. Admit when you’re wrong and shutup when you’re right. This is one of the hardest things to do in a relationship, but one of the best. This means after an argument you have had a chance to repair. You can’t get over an argument, unless there has been repair. It’s easy to let things build up. You don’t want to do this. It will make things worse in the long run.
  5. Create a list of stress-reducing rituals. Are you having fun in your relationship? If you are stressed, then the answer is probably no. You want to be able to have fun with your partner. Go to places where you have good memories. Where did you take your first hike together or first weekend getaway? Do you have a favorite movie? Laugh together. Laughter helps reduce stress. Make sure you have a couple of stress-reducing rituals, for yourself as well. Take a bubble bath or read poetry.

You don’t want your relationship to be a source of stress in your life. This will cause you to drift from your partner. It could eventually lead to a break up. When you get home at the end of the day, you want to be excited to see your partner. You want to feel the stress leave your body.

It’s easy when you have been in a relationship for a while, to forget to play or even dream together. When you are dreaming together, you are having fun together. This alone will help reduce stress.

Lianne Avila is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, in San Mateo, CA. She has helped many couples through the bumps in a relationship. For a free phone consultation or more information, please call or email (650) 892-0357 or lianne@lessonsforlove.com.

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Lianne Avila, MFT
1510 Fashion Island Blvd.
Suite 110
San Mateo, CA 94404

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(650) 892-0357

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